I don't know if anyone can actually read this but, I'll just keep typing anyway since I have to get this outta my chest for good now.

I was just 18 and life was smiling at me in so many ways, i'd just gotten my first job and it's probably the best job i've ever had (i'm 21 now) and even romance was seemed to be caressing me. Anyway, I thought i'd met the man of my  life, yeah, i'd have to admit that he was (oops, is!) much more older than men, but to me age was never an issue and still isn't. He had wit and passion that i'd so long for. He showed me how much he was interested in me, how much was willing to go to prove that he wanted to spend his life with me, but, my God, was I wrong!!!!

After he was dismissed from where we were working, things went downhill, specially my sanity and my hopes. He never called to say why he left, i had to call him therefore. We lost contact for about 6 months and finally when i couldn't take it anymore, i decided to disguise myself through e-mails in order to get him back again, which I did. After 1 month, one short ridiculous month, he practically broke up with me saying that it wasn't meant to be and that I was being too tough with him by not willing to please him.

The next following 5 months were pure nightmares and pain. I coudlnt for 1 day stop thinking about him, everything reminded me about him. I blamed myself for not being whom he wanted me to be, for not loving him the way he wanted and for being a failure in love.

Months went by again and we crossed roads again (I now curse that day) he wrote me an email saying how much he missed me and all that crap that men tell you when they want a girl back... Unfortunately I fell for that and decided to give it another chance.

Keep in mind that my family nor ANYONE knew about this relationship with him, I tried to tell my mom but she disaproved without hessitating, so I decided to keep it secret because there was no point in trying to convince my mom nor anyone about our 'love'.

For the next year and half we stayed in this secret relationship and yeah, we had our ups and downs.

One event made me realise that he was the most unreliable man i've known. He lost his job here and had to practically move to another state to get a job and keep up with his bills and have money, he never told me, he never said goodbye, so I thought that he had just vanished from this planet and that he was never gonna come back.

I won't lie, I tried to commit suicide, I had the baddest depression of my life, I even lost about 20 to 30 lbs and my family began to get worried. Even after all this, he came back and stupid me, took him back. He explained why he had to go and that he had no choice and that it was a last minute thing that he had to do.

Our personal life went very well, i'd see him about 1 a month when he came back and everything went well....I began also to see and analyse this "relationship" i was in. I knew that it was all lies when he said that he wanted to have children with me and marry me. I began to develop a hatred toward him and alot of resent and disappointment in all this.

It's been 2 months since i've seen him and even though I know that i've been the most stupid girl ever for doing this, my concious is safe. Why? well, I did love him, I meant every single word I said to him and cherished every second I spend with him.

Now, it's my turn to "disappear" and he will never EVER hear from me ever again. I know, for a fact, that he will NEVER find a girl as young, loyal and loving as me, and I realise why he's still single at his age!!!.